To the friend of someone who just committed suicide

To the friend of someone who just committed suicide,

I know it hurts right now. It hurts a lot. It's going to hurt. It’s so hard losing a loved one, but knowing they took their own life makes it so much harder. There will always be a part of you that cringes when you hear their name or see something that reminds you of them. One day though, it will start hurting less and less. You will be able to pass by their house without breaking down into tears or when you see someone who looks like them in the store. It's still going to hurt, but it will be easier. I know right now it feels like time has stopped and everything has collapsed, but it's true when they say things do get better. This pain is only temporary, but I promise that your strength is infinite.

When someone you love commits suicide it’s so easy to spiral into a sea of self-hate and blame, but learn to forgive yourself for the things you couldn’t have changed.  Show yourself the same love that you would show him/her if you got to see them one more time. Never think for a second that your life doesn’t matter because you mean the world to somebody, even if you mean nothing to yourself. There was nothing you could’ve done, so please forgive yourself. Forgiveness and self-love pave the way to moving forward and loving others. You did all you could so love and forgive yourself; even if it’s just a little bit at a time.

Even though people call suicide selfish and it’s easy to be angry at the person who killed themselves, try to forgive the person. When people commit suicide they aren’t in their right mental state so they don’t realize they are just giving their pain to someone else. Forgiving the person and the people who made him/her believe it was the only answer, seems unreachable, but can help bring closure. I know how hard it is and it won’t happen all at once, but even though it seems impossible right now, a little bit at a time it will get easier.

Try and think about the positives of that person and the last day or conversation you shared with them; this is especially important if you were the one to find them. I know what it’s like to be negative about the situation and the only picture of them that you kept was a bloody knife or a gun, but try to remember the things that made you love that person to begin with. In the end, your friend is still the same person you love, and remembering the good moments you had with them will make you so much happier. This is really hard, especially at first, but it’s so important.

IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT! I truly, sincerely, promise that it was not your fault!! You did all you could. Suicide is a sad choice people make, so there’s nothing you could’ve done to change the outcome. This was completely out of your control. Please don’t blame yourself. Your friend wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for their suicide, so as hard as it is, please understand that it wasn’t your fault.

I know you must feel worthless right now, like you failed your friend, but you did all you could. Chances are you showed your friend love when no one else would, so just because you couldn’t ‘save’ your friend doesn’t mean you can’t be somebody else’s white knight. You have a purpose in this world, so live for that life you will save and touch because they need you. The world needs you. You are enough. You matter. You aren’t worthless.

As hard as it is try to be happy. Your friend would want you to continue to live your life to the fullest so live for him/her. Experience the things he/she couldn’t and always keep the person close in your heart. You have a life so even though it seems impossible right now, live and learn to be happy again. You deserve to be happy so don’t let your struggles define and confine your perspective and happiness.

Understand that it’s okay to talk about it and keep the person close in your heart. Keeping it bottled up and blocking it all out will only make you feel worse and end badly.

Most importantly, realize that you will be okay. Like I said, it’s going to hurt, but it will get easier. Things will get better and you will be able to feel whole and at peace again. I know it feels like you’ve been shattered into a million pieces, but you are so much stronger then you believe and you will get through this.

Love,

Someone who's been through it too